I realize that I have not posted anything on here in over a week. It seems that the title of my post, absence, is the theme that has taken over my life in the last week. First and foremost I have suffered a great deal of absence in my life recently. I have also suffered absence from my blog and from work as a by product.
Last Wednesday morning around 5:00 AM Jon and I got the call we have dreaded for so long. Jon's Grandmother, Mammy, had passed away in her sleep that evening. Immediately our hearts ached and our lives felt empty and the absence took over and caused much sadness. So many thoughts rushed through our minds: how fast can we get down there to be with his family, how is his grandfather going to handle this, how are we going to handle this, how is his mother going to handle this (she was in Scotland at the time of her passing) and jut the shock in knowing that our lives will never be the same without her here.
Mammy was a WONDERFUL woman. Jon has always looked up to her as a second mother. He grew up only a few streets over from his Grandparents when he was little and they took care of him every day before and after school. I remember when Jon and I started dating and I got to spend more and more time with his Grandparents how blessed I was. I saw the intense love and devotion they had for their grandchildren (they only have two: Jon and his brother) and the intense love they had for each other. I could not have been more blessed when I officially became part of their family and they began to think of me as one of their grandchildren too.
In all of the sorrow and sadness that I have had in the past week, I am now at peace with Mammy's passing. She was in a lot of pain before her death and she fought the pain and suffering for over 2 years. She was a definite fighter! She is now no longer in pain and she is looking down on all of us and watching over us all. She's also probably enjoying a cigarette (or should I say a few packs of them) since she gave them up years and years ago (long before I knew her) and she would often talk about how much she missed them.
One more reason that I am at total peace with Mammy's passing now is because I now know she saw her 4th great grandchild. On Monday afternoon Jon's Grandfather, Grandaddy, brought the computer downstairs and showed Mammy all of Cambria's 4D pictures AND the over sixteen minute video of our ultrasound that we had. She always talked about how great a father Jon would be and we wanted her to share in our experience. We know she's looking down on us, and Cambria, from heaven with a huge smile across her face. I am thankful that she will always be up there to be Cambria's guardian angel!
WE LOVE YOU MAMMY!!!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Kids and Babies
Since starting back to school last week I have made some realizations in regards to school aged kids and their fascination with babies (especially babies still in the womb). They are absolutely OBSESSED! They seem to want to do nothing but touch my belly (with or without permission) and give me 'advice' and ask me questions about babies.
One student (mind you, he does have special needs) looked over at me while his teacher was teaching a lesson, a very important one about playground rules, and started laughing. When I calmly tried to redirect his attention back to the teacher with some nonverbal prompts he continued to laugh even harder than before. When I very calmly in my teacher voice said, "Is there something that's distracting you?" he replied back very loudly, "You have a very fat belly". THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!!!!
Then there was another time, actually this happened yesterday, when I was down at duty helping to make sure kids go home with the right adults. I was standing in the hallway doing my job when a little kindergartner came up to me and put her hand on my belly and said, "Why do you have a baby?" I was a little baffled by this question and so I quickly responded, "I don't know, I just do" and then I proceeded to turn away from her and pretend to be busy so she would not ask anymore questions regarding this matter. She then came back over to me, placed her hand on my stomach again and began lecturing me on how I should drink more water because everything I eat the baby eats. She even lifted her shirt up, pointed to her belly button and said, "Do you know this is how the baby gets food?" She also informed me that when I am nine (I think she meant nine months) my baby will be big and they will cut my stomach open at the hospital and take her out. Oh my....this whole situation made me very uncomfortable.
How do little kids know so much?!?! When I was little I just remember thinking that any married adult woman was supposed to be pregnant and I didn't question it or ponder any part of it when they were. It was just normal!
Why aren't kids that same way today? I have come to the conclusion that I am part of the problem. I, along with all of my other teacher colleagues, teach every child I come in contact with throughout the school day to be inquisitive in everything they do. We teach them that thinking about things and asking questions to learn how things work is good. I guess I should partially blame myself for the baby obsession - after all, they are just curious little ones asking lots of questions and trying to make sense of the whole baby phenomena that is pretty unfamiliar to them. I guess I just wish they would stop making me feel uncomfortable in their learning process.
One student (mind you, he does have special needs) looked over at me while his teacher was teaching a lesson, a very important one about playground rules, and started laughing. When I calmly tried to redirect his attention back to the teacher with some nonverbal prompts he continued to laugh even harder than before. When I very calmly in my teacher voice said, "Is there something that's distracting you?" he replied back very loudly, "You have a very fat belly". THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!!!!
Then there was another time, actually this happened yesterday, when I was down at duty helping to make sure kids go home with the right adults. I was standing in the hallway doing my job when a little kindergartner came up to me and put her hand on my belly and said, "Why do you have a baby?" I was a little baffled by this question and so I quickly responded, "I don't know, I just do" and then I proceeded to turn away from her and pretend to be busy so she would not ask anymore questions regarding this matter. She then came back over to me, placed her hand on my stomach again and began lecturing me on how I should drink more water because everything I eat the baby eats. She even lifted her shirt up, pointed to her belly button and said, "Do you know this is how the baby gets food?" She also informed me that when I am nine (I think she meant nine months) my baby will be big and they will cut my stomach open at the hospital and take her out. Oh my....this whole situation made me very uncomfortable.
How do little kids know so much?!?! When I was little I just remember thinking that any married adult woman was supposed to be pregnant and I didn't question it or ponder any part of it when they were. It was just normal!
Why aren't kids that same way today? I have come to the conclusion that I am part of the problem. I, along with all of my other teacher colleagues, teach every child I come in contact with throughout the school day to be inquisitive in everything they do. We teach them that thinking about things and asking questions to learn how things work is good. I guess I should partially blame myself for the baby obsession - after all, they are just curious little ones asking lots of questions and trying to make sense of the whole baby phenomena that is pretty unfamiliar to them. I guess I just wish they would stop making me feel uncomfortable in their learning process.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Presenting Cambria in 3D!
Today we had our big 3D/4D ultrasound done. My Mom, my Dad, my sister (Brittany) and of course Jon were all present. It was a great experience and we definitely learned a lot about Cami.
The first thing we learned is that she is DEFINITELY a girl and there is no mistaking it. Jon breathed a sigh of relief when they told him that since our house has been overtaken with pink! She continues to have a strong heartbeat too - today it was 141 beats per minute.
The second thing we learned is that she is stubborn beyond belief. Her head is still down (on the left side) and she is facing my back. This did not make for great pictures of her face since the back of her head is what was facing up towards the camera. The Dr. that did the ultrasound poked, prodded, had me turn on my side multiple times, had me cough and make noises and all to no avail. She stayed stubborn and remained cozied up (face first into it actually) next to the placenta as if it were her personal body pillow. Honestly, who could blame her? I like to sleep with a body pillow lately and I am DEFINITELY the queen of coziness. I am beginning to think she will be more and more like her Momma! We did manage to get some pictures but they aren't the clearest photos since they had to be VERY clever about the angle they got them from and a lot of the pictures the sound waves had to go through the placenta to capture any of her facial features.
The third thing we learned about her is that she is BEAUTIFUL and smart. She has the cutest little nose and mouth, although we are undecided who they belong to (I think they're a combination of Jon and I). She's smart because every time the umbilical cord passed by her face she opened her mouth as if she was ready to eat. Also, by the end of our ultrasound she was trying to suck on her toes. How cute is that?!
Anyways - here are a few of the better pictures we got of our little Princess. I can hardly contain myself to see her in real life within the next 10 weeks. I can't believe the time will be here so soon! Grow little Cami, grow!!!
Stay Tuned...
Stay tuned for a post later today after our 3D/4D ultrasound of our little girl. Hopefully we will have some GREAT photos to share with you! I am SOO excited. Is it 1:00 yet?
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
29 Week Letter...
Dear Cambria,
This has been a crazy busy week with the start of the new school year. You and I have been going nonstop daily from about 5 a.m. until about 9:30 p.m. I think you like going to school with me, as I feel you moving around constantly while I'm at work. It's so nice to know that you are so safe and snug in there while I'm working away to help my kiddos learn everything they can this year! Whenever things get hectic during the school day I keep reminding myself that in a few short months I will be able to take some time off to be with you. I CAN'T WAIT!!!
Another exciting thing that has happened this week is that we scheduled a 3D/4D ultrasound to see you! We go on Saturday, thanks to your GMa and GPa, to see you again! I can't wait to see how much you have grown and to see some of your facial features (if you cooperate). Your Daddy is a little bit nervous about this because some 3D ultrasound pictures can look a little scary. We know that you will be beautiful but I guess getting the first good look at you is nerve wrecking for him (and I admit, me a little too). I pray every night that you look like your Daddy and that you have his personality too. Daddy on the other hand prays that you look just like your Mommy as a baby. Daddy calls me the little china baby because my eyes were so small and he claims that I looked Chinese when I was born. He wants you to have those same eyes when you're born. Time will tell who you will look like. Maybe you will be a good combination of us both. Whoever you look like, we love you to pieces already and couldn't be happier with the little healthy baby you're growing into!
That's about it for this week's update. It's so hard for me to believe that in 8 short weeks you will be considered full term and ready to come out if you are ready. I would greatly appreciate it though if you stay safely in my belly until VERY close to your due date of October 21st. I continue to love you more with each passing day and I am continued to be comforted in knowing that you are getting bigger and stronger with each new day that goes by. Before we know it you will be here with us - I can only imagine the day when I first lay eyes on you!!! I love you SO much!
Love,
Mommy
This has been a crazy busy week with the start of the new school year. You and I have been going nonstop daily from about 5 a.m. until about 9:30 p.m. I think you like going to school with me, as I feel you moving around constantly while I'm at work. It's so nice to know that you are so safe and snug in there while I'm working away to help my kiddos learn everything they can this year! Whenever things get hectic during the school day I keep reminding myself that in a few short months I will be able to take some time off to be with you. I CAN'T WAIT!!!
Another exciting thing that has happened this week is that we scheduled a 3D/4D ultrasound to see you! We go on Saturday, thanks to your GMa and GPa, to see you again! I can't wait to see how much you have grown and to see some of your facial features (if you cooperate). Your Daddy is a little bit nervous about this because some 3D ultrasound pictures can look a little scary. We know that you will be beautiful but I guess getting the first good look at you is nerve wrecking for him (and I admit, me a little too). I pray every night that you look like your Daddy and that you have his personality too. Daddy on the other hand prays that you look just like your Mommy as a baby. Daddy calls me the little china baby because my eyes were so small and he claims that I looked Chinese when I was born. He wants you to have those same eyes when you're born. Time will tell who you will look like. Maybe you will be a good combination of us both. Whoever you look like, we love you to pieces already and couldn't be happier with the little healthy baby you're growing into!
That's about it for this week's update. It's so hard for me to believe that in 8 short weeks you will be considered full term and ready to come out if you are ready. I would greatly appreciate it though if you stay safely in my belly until VERY close to your due date of October 21st. I continue to love you more with each passing day and I am continued to be comforted in knowing that you are getting bigger and stronger with each new day that goes by. Before we know it you will be here with us - I can only imagine the day when I first lay eyes on you!!! I love you SO much!
Love,
Mommy
Monday, August 3, 2009
First Day of School
Today was the first day of the new school year with the kids. I definitely felt differently about the start to this school year. Last night I did not get the jitters as I normally do and today while I was experiencing the 'first day of school' I felt as though I was experiencing it through a new perspective - the perspective of a mother.
All I could think about today was Cambria. As I watched all of the parents bring their babies into their first day of Kindergarten I kept having these visions of taking Cami to her first day of Kindergarten. I felt more of a connection with the parents and the love they have for their children. Don't get me wrong, I have ALWAYS thought cute little Kindergarteners coming into the building for their first day of school is adorable but this year I think I felt more of what the parents were feeling.
I got teary eyed when I saw one Mom and Dad walk their child in and take multiple photos of their son standing in the hallway with his backpack on while giving a thumbs up. Then as their son walked away from them down the hallway with confidence, while periodically turning around to wave to them with a big smile on his face, the Mom and Dad stood and embraced in the hallway while watching their baby reach another milestone (and a big one at that!) in his childhood. Ahhh - it just gets to me. I could just feel the love that those parents were feeling along with the overwhelming sense of accomplishment to have gotten their 'baby' this far through their hard work, dedication and love.
As I continued my day I continuously found myself looking at all of the children I came in contact with through the eyes of a Mom rather than a Teacher. At the end of the day as I was driving home I was reflecting upon my experiences of today's 'first day' versus the other 'first days' I have experienced. I came to the conclusion that becoming a Mother is probably the best thing I could have done for not only my personal life but also my professional life. I know that these motherly instincts, thoughts and feelings will make me a much more effective teacher. To put it simply; there is nothing better than being able to look at each and every child in my school through the perspective of a Mother. Thank you Cambria, thank you for giving me the opportunity to to not only be your Mother but to now be able to look at all children with the love and passion that a Mother can only feel and understand.
All I could think about today was Cambria. As I watched all of the parents bring their babies into their first day of Kindergarten I kept having these visions of taking Cami to her first day of Kindergarten. I felt more of a connection with the parents and the love they have for their children. Don't get me wrong, I have ALWAYS thought cute little Kindergarteners coming into the building for their first day of school is adorable but this year I think I felt more of what the parents were feeling.
I got teary eyed when I saw one Mom and Dad walk their child in and take multiple photos of their son standing in the hallway with his backpack on while giving a thumbs up. Then as their son walked away from them down the hallway with confidence, while periodically turning around to wave to them with a big smile on his face, the Mom and Dad stood and embraced in the hallway while watching their baby reach another milestone (and a big one at that!) in his childhood. Ahhh - it just gets to me. I could just feel the love that those parents were feeling along with the overwhelming sense of accomplishment to have gotten their 'baby' this far through their hard work, dedication and love.
As I continued my day I continuously found myself looking at all of the children I came in contact with through the eyes of a Mom rather than a Teacher. At the end of the day as I was driving home I was reflecting upon my experiences of today's 'first day' versus the other 'first days' I have experienced. I came to the conclusion that becoming a Mother is probably the best thing I could have done for not only my personal life but also my professional life. I know that these motherly instincts, thoughts and feelings will make me a much more effective teacher. To put it simply; there is nothing better than being able to look at each and every child in my school through the perspective of a Mother. Thank you Cambria, thank you for giving me the opportunity to to not only be your Mother but to now be able to look at all children with the love and passion that a Mother can only feel and understand.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Busy Weekend!
This weekend FLEW by but it was great! Friday night Jon and I just relaxed around the house and I was in bed before 10:00...it was FABULOUS! I needed to rest up for my big Virginia Baby Shower that took place on Saturday anyway.
Saturday was a whirlwind. It was SO busy yet SO fun and exhausting all rolled into one. We had our last baby shower and we were definitely showered with plenty of great gifts. Some of the gifts that we received were: Bassinet, Pack-N-Play, Bumbo Seat, lots of baby clothes, baby bath tub along with all essentials (towels, toys, shampoo, lotion, brush, etc.), homemade bibs and blankets, the rest of what we needed for Cami's bedding (crib mattress pad, crib sheets, multipurpose waterproof pads, changing table pad and covers, hamper, etc.). I think we are now officially set with all of the essentials that we would need for in the house when we bring Cami home from the hospital. The only thing Jon and I REALLY need to purchase before she comes is our Travel System that includes stroller, carseat and base and then we'll be all ready. YAY!
Today I have been extra lazy and it's been superb! I woke up and lounged around until about 11 when Jon's family left and then at noon I went back to sleep. Yes, it's official...the 3rd trimester exhaustion has set in. I slept from 12-2 and then Jon and I went to do some errands. Since we've gotten home I have started to sort and put away some stuff from the shower yesterday. I also started the laundry for this week since I know every day this week I will come home way too tired to do laundry.
Tomorrow is the first day of school for the kids. For some reason I am not nervous at all for this year to start. I think that may be because I have other things on my mind (like giving birth to our first child in a few months). I think being pregnant and now starting my own family with Jon has really put things into perspective. Work is just work but family is my whole life. Therefore, I am so laid back today about the first day of school tomorrow that I don't have the typical jitters that I normally get. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing.
That's all for tonight. Here are a few pictures from the shower and this weekend. I LOVE the picture of little Guinevere hugging my belly and telling her new cousin that she loves her and can't wait for her to get here to play. I feel the SAME way! :-) Happy Sunday everyone!
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