Absence...

I realize that I have not posted anything on here in over a week. It seems that the title of my post, absence, is the theme that has taken over my life in the last week. First and foremost I have suffered a great deal of absence in my life recently. I have also suffered absence from my blog and from work as a by product.

Last Wednesday morning around 5:00 AM Jon and I got the call we have dreaded for so long. Jon's Grandmother, Mammy, had passed away in her sleep that evening. Immediately our hearts ached and our lives felt empty and the absence took over and caused much sadness. So many thoughts rushed through our minds: how fast can we get down there to be with his family, how is his grandfather going to handle this, how are we going to handle this, how is his mother going to handle this (she was in Scotland at the time of her passing) and jut the shock in knowing that our lives will never be the same without her here.

Mammy was a WONDERFUL woman. Jon has always looked up to her as a second mother. He grew up only a few streets over from his Grandparents when he was little and they took care of him every day before and after school. I remember when Jon and I started dating and I got to spend more and more time with his Grandparents how blessed I was. I saw the intense love and devotion they had for their grandchildren (they only have two: Jon and his brother) and the intense love they had for each other. I could not have been more blessed when I officially became part of their family and they began to think of me as one of their grandchildren too.

In all of the sorrow and sadness that I have had in the past week, I am now at peace with Mammy's passing. She was in a lot of pain before her death and she fought the pain and suffering for over 2 years. She was a definite fighter! She is now no longer in pain and she is looking down on all of us and watching over us all. She's also probably enjoying a cigarette (or should I say a few packs of them) since she gave them up years and years ago (long before I knew her) and she would often talk about how much she missed them.

One more reason that I am at total peace with Mammy's passing now is because I now know she saw her 4th great grandchild. On Monday afternoon Jon's Grandfather, Grandaddy, brought the computer downstairs and showed Mammy all of Cambria's 4D pictures AND the over sixteen minute video of our ultrasound that we had. She always talked about how great a father Jon would be and we wanted her to share in our experience. We know she's looking down on us, and Cambria, from heaven with a huge smile across her face. I am thankful that she will always be up there to be Cambria's guardian angel!

WE LOVE YOU MAMMY!!!